well, no suprise there; laura hasn't updated a blog in, well, a long ass time. we all knew it would come to this and frankly, i'm not going to punish myself for falling into the same old routine as i always do.
to be honest, i've been struggling as of late. i've lost control of a lot in my life and i'm trying hard to regain my balance. while i love my job and madison has grown on me a bit more i find myself missing st. louis and the friendships i had there.
actually, i don't really even think it's that.
i think when you're younger everyone has this fairy tale idea of what life is like and i'm just now starting to realize my vision was completely scewed and that life is never going to turn out how i thought it was when i was 9 or 10.
i'm learning to trust myself and my instincts and to take things as they come - that seems to be the one thing i can control.
hey duffy-
ReplyDeletei hope i can help, or at least let you know that i've been feeling the same way. i've been terribly homesick and literally...EVERYTHING makes me cry. i'm sad for people just walking around, i'm sad because of a song that reminds me of driving with my mom, i'm just generally sad. i've been in the funk for awhile and i can't quite put my finger on it. i want to go home and play barbies with my sister or something. i feel like my life has moved so fast in the past year that all i want to do is hit the brakes. it seems like every big milestone is so anti-climactic. isn't there supposed to be a sound track or suspenseful noise and then a celebration at the end? i don't know, i like CT enough i suppose, but even though it's home...it's not HOME. its not my puppies or my daddy or my backyard or my annoying family...it's just regular CT. even when i go back to st. louis, my head knows that it's not the same place that i remember it to be, but my heart can't tell the difference. i guess in the long run, i'm not ready to grow up just yet. i'm not ready to have my own place and my own holidays. i want my mom to carve the turkey and i want a "tea" party with cookies and milk by my mommy and daddy's christmas tree. i'm sad that it's never going to be like that again, and it made me cry just typing that. i think we're both getting to that time where it was (kinda) fun getting to the point where you're moved out and married and then it's like...now what? what comes next? how come no one ever told you about what comes next? growing up bites, but I could live with being 25 as long as i could freeze time...starting...NOW. :)