dreamweaver

i've decided that someday i'm going to live in atlanta, georgia. i'm thinking one of the historic houses near grant park... hot summer days sitting out on the front porch drinking iced tea, watching my dog play in the yard, aiko laying at the bottom of the porch swing curled up under my feet.

i was watching some house remodeling show this weekend on tv and the girl was buying a house in the same area and it just looked so perfect, friendly neighbors, people with their southern accents - hey, maybe i can even fake one.
i just don't think i'm a northern girl. i don't think i've ever seen this much snow and ice in my life. it's so aggravating driving around on the big chunks of ice that are consuming the streets. my car wasn't made for off-roading.

i miss the giant thunderstorms that the southern states have and even the humidity. i really miss sitting outside on the front porch with my dad as the rain poured down around the house. those are some of the most peaceful times i've ever experienced. there's nothing like the smell of moisture in the air when you can tell it's going to rain, and you're racing home from work with the windows down, music blaring, trying to beat the storm.

there's nothing good or insightful i can say about snow and ice. it makes me fall and hurts my eyes. that's about it.

the root of all evil

there was one piece of advice friends and family gave me before getting married. keep money out of it. it's not that easy though when you get married and you suddenly are merging most aspects of your life. paying bills, buying food, major purchases - all are done together. it's easier to have everything in one joint account that we both have access to. the problem is this - it becomes a major issue when one person has different spending habits than the other.
with the loss of my own bank account i can feel my identity being drained from me. i no longer have the ability to run out and buy something without it being questioned. i don't mean to make i sound like my every move is being watched or i'm being told what i can or can't do. that isn't it. it's the simple fact that every single purchase i make has to go through a medium. bryan updates the bank account information and questions purchases primarily to ensure there aren't any fraudulent charges coming through... it's just something about it that really bothers me. i would like to be able to go out and buy something, or manage my own money without worrying about it having some kind of affect or question regarding its validity.
i know money will be tighter now that we've bought a house, and i don't plan on going out and randomly spending money on things that don't need to be purchased - but there is something about having your own account and your own hand over it that really diminishes you when its no longer there. i miss managing my own money - even if it meant me not having a whole lot of it. at least i had some sense of control that i feel like i'm slowly losing over my life.

why i hate VD

i realized this valentines day how annoying people are. if you know me, i think people in general are pretty annoying. valentines day however, broke the record on how annoyed i can become in the span of 24 hours.
do you want to know what's worse than sitting around listening to people talk about how in love they are? listening to people complain about how much valentines day sucks - that's what.
i'm not the kind of person to be all gung-ho for the big LOVE day, but i also don't waste my breath complaining about what a hallmark holiday it is. that is the most cliche complaint i can think of. "valentines day is just another day, wah wah wah." well, if it's just another day, and you don't think people should be putting effort into it - then let me ask you this: why are you wasting so much time complaining about it? with all the effort it took to bitch about how you don't need to be told to be romantic - why don't you go out and buy me some god damn chocolates or something? i like the special dark kind, okay?

my new years resolution

so i got a phone call last night from someone i don't talk to all that often. it was really nice to hear from her as our relationship as of late hasn't been on the best of terms. we talked for a few minutes about how things were going - and then it became apparent she was calling me because she needed something. i don't mind helping people out and i did exactly what she needed me to do, no complaints, no questions asked. it just kind of made me feel bad because she only calls me when she needs something. if she called me out of the blue ONE time just to talk i don't think i would know what to do with myself.
i guess i can't really complain - i mean, i don't really call her either unless i have a question about something. my new years resolution this year was to be less judgemental and to get back some form of a relationship i used to have with her. i guess this phone call was the first hurdle i have to overcome by putting away my judgement and loving her regardless of her actions. i take that back. i already love her regardless of her actions - i think liking her in spite of them is the most difficult part.
sometimes i look into the past and wish for the times when we used to fight over coffee cups and make fun of family. i hope that her life is better now - i want her to be happy, but i have to teach myself to look at the present and future, and not hold on to what used to be.

the house

holy ugly house, batman. here are some pictures of the new house. i'll be updating the pictures as we rip out walls, paint, put in new carpet and redo the kitchen. then - it's puppy time!

what if i say i'm not like the others?

ever have one of those relationships where the person prints out song lyrics to show you how they feel? only, they do it so often its annoying? yeah, i used to have a relationship like that. it got so bad that now it makes me cringe when people use song lyrics to express their feelings. only, lately i feel a sudden urge to do it myself. please don't let me turn into one of those people.

so what makes this one different?

well - i used to have a blog. i don't think i could remember the password to it anymore though, even if i tried. that really shows you how much i must've updated it. i think i maybe wrote in it 3 or 4 times and then slipped out my life like the diet i was on a few weeks ago.
so, here i am with my new blog - fresh title in suit. so who am i? i'm 24 years old, and i've lived in madison for almost a year now. madison is cold. very cold. ungodly cold, and sometimes i find myself longing for the warm air of st. louis that used to bring the storms that would knock our power out.
my life has been a little turned upside down in the last year. i went from college in st. louis to moving to madison, getting married in june, getting a new job in july, to buying a house a few months later. that's a lot for one girl to take! i'm starting to like madison a little more as the days go by, especially now that i've made a few friends - but i can't help feeling like i fit in a little better down south. i guess all i can do is wait for my retirement - it doesn't look like bryan is going to move south anytime soon. heck, it took me awhile to get him to let me move the hamper from one room to another.