bitch mode

Why do all the girls in the new Transformers movie look like they have a STD?

B and I went to the midnight showing of Transformers the other night. The theater was packed to the brim mostly with young guys - some toting their girlfriends along. I was excited to see the movie as I really liked the first one. I can remember the holy shit that was awesome feeling I had when the first one ended in the theater. So needless to say, I was pumped.

With all the buzz around Megan Fox, I was prepared for numerous close ups on her boobs. And boy, was I smart to be prepared. There were so many lingering closeups that I even became uncomfortable a few times.

And, it really started bothering me that all the girls looked sweaty ALL the time. I mean, isn't there a/c in the house? Why are you so sweaty? And don't even get me started on the amount of lip gloss that girl wears. WHO WEARS THAT MUCH LIP GLOSS MEGAN?

I know I'm coming across as just another bitchy female who thinks all pretty women are bimbos, but that's just not the case. I like guy movies and I know with that comes watching half-naked girls in completely ridiculous and unbelievable scenarios ie, Megan Fox draped over a motorcycle, her butt sticking up in the air. (That cannot be a comfortable way to sit.)

The more I've thought about it, the more I realize it goes both ways. Megan Fox draped over a motorcycle is really no different than Rob Pattinson going shirtless and running through a forest. They do whatever it takes to get the fans in the door and happy, eager to pay 20 bucks for the DVD when it's released. And let's be cliche', sex sells.

The problem I have is, well, I guess I don't really have a problem at all. It's a movie. Who cares. She's not an ugly girl. Megan Fox is very pretty. I just think she's way prettier when she's clothed and does not have obscene amounts of lip gloss and sweat dripping off of her.

There. I'm done.

i love you, learning

It's not a secret I like to read. I always had my nose in a book as a child, as an uncomfortable middleschooler, highschooler, college student. Some of my favorite memories are the ones I share with a good story. Even as an adult, I still love to read.

B is not a reader. He doesn't enjoy fiction and doesn't understand really why anyone else does. "Why would I read something that didn't happen?" He thinks of fiction purely as a made-up story. Something false, not real, pointless. He will happily read a book about real-life WWII accounts, military explorations, etc - but when it comes to fictional classics, he turns up his nose.

I've been stumbling over this idea, trying to see his point. Fiction to me is always more than just a made up story. There are many facets. You identify with characters, find morality, ethical situations which stimulate your mind to think of the bigger picture. You don't just read it and throw it to the side. Each story sticks with you somehow. You see the characters as people - the inner workings of each makes them human.

It is not merely the story or a "Once upon a time, here's the middle, now the end, what did you learn from this?" It is so much more than that. It's not only an escape from reality, but a whole other world you're living while staying planted in the physical.

I love reading. I love the critical analysis that comes with it; finding the little nuggets the author has hidden for you to find. When I look back to high school - I don't think I was stimulated enough. I had to learn to find those things on my own in most of my English classes. Because some of my fellow highschooler's weren't at the top of their game my teachers would let me sit outside the classroom and read ahead. Most of the time the teachers had to read aloud to the class just to keep their attention. I am both thankful for this, and sometimes resentful. It is because of this I read as much as I did. But it is also because of this I didn't get to dive in as deep as I would have had I gone to a better school.

I guess this is why I get so enamored with people like John Green who seem to have such a strong understanding of literature. We never had to read Catcher in the Rye in high school, but after stumbling upon John Green's youtube video about it - I am inspired to read it and youtube along with his pseudo English lesson. It takes me back to my comfort zone - the happiness I felt when I was stimulated in English class (heh, heh.)

i'm ready for my close up, mr. demille

As I made my way to the breakroom to garner more coffee from the work coffee Gods the other day, I was startled to see myself walk by on someones computer screen. I did a double take and realized they had a little camera positioned on the top of their monitor. It wasn't until then I realized we have cameras positioned all around the office. One pointed towards the front door and the receptionist desk, one in the break room, one in the main office, etc.

I panicked. How many times have I adjusted my bra, pulled my pants up higher, picked a wedgie?? UGH. And let's just say when I'm at the front desk and no one is around I am so not a lady.

Let's not lie to ourselves. Everyone does it. When no one is watching you lose all shame. I sometimes have reached down my shirt and re-adjusted my boobs in my bra. I'm not even joking. Why would not? There is no one around to see. Or so I thought.

All of this camera stuff has me very paranoid. And for no other reason than complete and utter vanity. There have been no secret love affairs in the break room. I don't have to worry about theft of office supplies. No, the only thing I'm worried about is someone seeing me picking food out of my teeth.

Don't they have to tell you there are cameras? Even worse yet, I'm sure the cameras have been up for a long time. I doubt this is something new. I've just been too oblivious in the past to notice. Now, when I walk into an area I know is monitored I suck in my stomach and walk a little straighter. I don't want to be known as the fat girl with the bad posture, who picks the underwear out of her butt and grabs her own boobs.

Ugh.

i love you, reading

So here's the situation.

There are people around me who are just now getting into Twilight, which is great. Add that in with all the movie buzz, and the award show appearances of Bella and Edward (no, they do not have real names) and I have myself a problem. I am itching to read the books again. I own all four, so this shouldn't be too hard a goal to conquer, however, I have like 8 million books in line to be read before them. My bright and shiny new library card is just calling out to be used. I have two library books in my possession presently and two on hold. Not to mention the other 8 or 9 books sitting on my bookshelf at home that burned a hole in my pocket which still have not been opened.

I'm weighing my options. Do I put all other books on hold and pick up the Twilight series again, only to have it rip my life away like it did last time? Or, do I tuck them away - a prize to be reached only when finishing all other books in line before them? Ugh, the torture. Please, feel free to stop and point and call me a nerd as you pass by.

I know not everyone holds Twilight in such high regard. And I admit it might not be the best piece of work ever written, but I won't lie that it doesn't suck me in like a fat kid wearing spandex. The books are like cocaine. (I decided against comparing it to Edwards desire for Bella's blood, citing good taste. No pun intended.) And I also know once I pick the books back up my tone with Bryan will turn condescending for the simple fact that he is not Edward Cullen.

Can my relationship sustain such a thing?

omg why isn't the tivo recording?!

I like to watch tv. A lot of tv. So much so that B and I had a minor panic attack awhile back when we realized we still had time slots open on a Monday night to record shows. I realized then we had a problem - but it was an addiction I was willing to feed. We even invested in a dual tuner Tivo - so we could record two shows at once. Tivo has both helped and hurt us. Because of it we are no longer slaves to the TV in the usual sense. We don't have to be home at a certain time to catch our shows. But it's because of this feature we end up having 8 hours of TV to catch up on later in the evening. I've caught myself saying "Let's not go out, we have 4 episodes of The Office to watch still," and saying it begrudgingly.

TV has slowly taken over my life. It's the first thing I do in the morning, and the last thing I do at night. I plan my nightly routine by how much time it takes me to shower and get in bed to catch Chelsea Lately and Conan. I wake up in time to get ready and catch the first 15 minutes of the Today Show.

I started thinking yesterday about how hard it would be to not watch tv. I've been trying to write more lately but my words all come out jumbled and screen-play esque. Well, I'm not writing a screenplay nor do I want to. I cannot describe things the way I should because I expect the reader to know what I'm talking about. I mean, they can see it on the screen, can't they? It really occured to me that in order to write sentences that do not sound like the newest episode of 90210 I would have to do something drastic.

So, how hard could it possibly be? And to what lengths would I go? Cut TV out completely? Well... I figure I could still watch the news. That means the Today Show still counts. Chelsea Lately really isn't a fictional show so that shouldn't matter... Conan, sure why cut him out? But then there are shows like The Office. 30 Rock. Roseanne?! How could I cut out Roseanne? Greek? So you Think you Can Dance? My breathing gets heavier just thinking about it.

So I thought about catching a few select shows only on Hulu. But what's the difference? All I'm doing is giving myself excuses. I just don't know if I can live my life without Family Guy. I really don't.

I wouldn't be honest with myself if I said I wasn't a technology-driven person. I enjoy having constant access to everything. Full cable, 24/7 internet, my friends socially networked at my fingertips. I'm not sure I could cut out such a huge part of my life.

How does the saying go? Anything hard is worth doing? Or, if something is hard to do it's not worth doing? Wait. I think I'm channeling my inner Homer Simpson.