my dark knight

i have a fake boyfriend. no, i didn't stutter. i have a fake boyfriend. does he know he's my fake boyfriend? of course not, that's just silly. now even though this relationship blooms only in the inner most depths of my mind, i was still mildly depressed to find out here in reality he's married AND it appears he has a kid.

do i know he's the proud father of a little girl? no, but she sure does look a lot like him! that's enough in my books to make my sudo-relationship crumble into pieces.

okay so do i sound a little bit crazy right now? well, yes.

but let me lay it out for you; i think most girls have fake boyfriends. so why do we feel the need to make believe our way into happiness? simple, because our fake boyfriend can be anything we want him to be. he can be the perfect man; the one on the white horse, the one who saves us from danger, and cooks us breakfast when he's done folding the laundry.

i think most real boyfriends start out this way. there's always this "he is" factor in a new relationship. "he is going to be the one who sweeps me off my feet." "he is going to be the one the songs are about." and then the newness wears off and you're stuck with a smelly guy who leaves his socks everywhere. the romantic sides seeps back inside and the spark is gone.

i think its the media that really fucks us girls over. they give us some scewed reality of jim and pam, or of carrie and big and then our expectations are set too high. we want someone to give us goosebumps, and who always has the right thing to say to make us smile.

so what do we do? we create someone. we pick out a cute boy, and imagine that he's our one and only. we imagine that he's the one who gives us the stomach drop, the butterflies, the feeling of floating on air. we close our eyes and imagine.

...and we hope to god that he never finds out.