pending

this time, i'm writing my blog before i title it. take that, order of things!

so. i've been in a funk as of late. i'm kind of categorizing it as a sort of "mid life crisis." (could i make that sentence any more non-commital?) that's how i've been feeling lately - very non-commital. very, "is this all there is?" it kind of scares me though - because i'm at a point in my life that people strive to be at. i have an okay job, i'm married, we have a nice house, etc, etc, etc. sure, this is where i want to be - maybe by the time i'm 30. i guess i don't really know what i thought my life was going to be like. i've always been a "we'll play it by ear" kind of girl - not really thinking about the consequences that often accompany actions.

i should clarify. by consequences i don't mean the kind that always follow bad decisions. what i mean is this; every action has a reaction. i guess i just stopped worrying about what reactions my actions would entail.

so where do i go from here? when a good friend of mine told me i was too old to get a piercing, i realized i am past a point in my life where i can really justify bad decisions - passing them off as just another adolescent mistake. but while i'm too old to run around frantically searching for my place in life, i'm also realizing that i'm very young - and i'm still feeling my way around trying to figure out what the point of it all is.

so what's the point? that's what i'm still grasping at straws trying to figure out. it's a weird limbo i'm in because i'm not in a huge depressed state of "oh whoa is me, whats the point of this life?" its a inquisitive prodding, a look left and a look right. it's a girl trying to gain the courage to place her foot over that line and step out on her own - even if that path may lead in no direction at all.