a simple request

be more like myself. that's what i jotted down on my notecard of goals this morning. it just kind of came to me all of a sudden. i need to stop focusing on transforming myself to meet the needs and personalities of those around me and just start accepting myself for who i really am. i have ups, i have downs. i can be really excited about something one minute and the next be really crabby. that shouldn't come as a shock to most people. :)

after i wrote it though i just kind of smiled as it was such a simple request among the other goals i've been making for myself lately. i'm not the kind of person that usually has goals. i honestly don't know what it feels like to set a goal for myself and then achieve it. i'm so lax, i mostly play things by ear or just let them play out in whichever way they seem to. well, shit just doesn't get done when i do it that way. i'm starting small and i'm not even going to tell anyone what these goals are - but it's about damn time i started making some.

dennis asked me awhile ago if there was anywhere i had ever wanted to go all my life, or anything i had always wanted to do. well, the answer is no. there's never been some magical place in my mind where i've always wanted to travel and i've never really had anything i had a strong desire to do. i think that's where all my listlessness comes from - a lack of drive, nothing to reach out and strive for. i don't want to envy those people who have their goals laid out in front of them, checking them off one by one like a to-do list, i want to be that person. i'm done sitting on the sidelines. it's time for less talk and more action.