back, back, forth and forth

it's raining, it's raining! sure, its a cold winter rain - but i'll take that over a cold winter blizzard any day! it's interesting how people hate the rain. i've been watching some of my coworkers run in from lunch and each one of them has blubbered some variation of "what a gross day" it is outside. i love grey, rainy days - but to each their own.

changing topics - i'm trying to be more conscious of what i eat. food has a pretty big hold on me, so it's been harder than it sounds . i mostly plan my day out around my meals. once i eat - i start thinking about the next thing i'm going to eat. man, i love food. i need to work harder on keeping my future self in mind. when i see a big piece of chocolate cake i don't think twice because i'm more interested in having immediate satisfaction. then of course, after i eat it i feel horrible and gross and bloated and regrettful. i need to be more mindful of pleasing my future self rather than the immediate me who loves to indulge in bad, bad habits. so that being said, i'm trying.

i think this goal will be easier met if i find things other than food that give me satisfaction. knitting has been one thing that has helped me focus. another thing that has sparked my curiosity is volunteering with hospice. i learned about it through a friend bryan works with - and it sounds like something that could be very rewarding. i've been inching forward and backward on it however. i'm just a bit worried that it will be too much for my psyche to handle. i guess we'll see what happens.

i'm sitting at the front desk covering julies lunch listening to the rain pound down on the asphalt outside. it comes down hard for a few minutes and then lightens and repeats. it's really soothing. i could definitely go for a nap right now. hmm... and maybe some hot chocolate. don't judge me.